|
||||
|
|
|
|
MY JOURNEY TO
ORTHODOXY While I was in grade school, my science teacher was giving us a lecture about life. I immediately raised my hand and asked, "who is GOD"? The response I got was laughter, like I had told some kind of joke. My teacher said that my question is not appropriate to discuss in class and besides I wouldn't understand his answer. One day a missionary woman came and introduced my family to Christianity. I really never understood what was going on, except I liked the companionship with girls my age. But I couldn't grasp the concepts; perhaps I asked too many "whys" and still didn't get any satisfactory answers. To make matters worse, I wanted to be with my friends when they were eagerly telling their parents about wanting to be baptized. Of course I told my parents about it expecting a "yes" answer. However, my parents were upset and angry and didn't want me to do it because I was young and immature. They said that one day I would know when I'm ready. Until then, it's not my place to join in any religion but to obey my parents' wishes. Years later, my mother passed away. Everyone in my family grieved differently. For me I was looking for answers only to find that things are not what they seem. I desperately wanted answers, to why this happened and how could it happened. I always thought that death is immaterial and has nothing to do with me. Being involved in martial arts, that mental and mediation regimen helped partially heal my grief. Later on, via the grapevine, advertisements, flyers, campus bulletins, etc., I journeyed into what seemed like an exotic and exciting adventure. I jumped in and traveled from one place to the next, into the "new age" idealism, modern age tribal shamanism, channeling, crystal mediation, the "powers that be is in you" or the "spiritual journey is within you", "transcendental meditation", etc., etc., etc.... I discovered that my heart really wasn't in it! Yes, I participated in various groups and I stayed on hoping some of that would sink into me. But, no matter how hard I focused, it was not for me. I also went through various Christian denominations as well as eastern religion, into Buddhism, Zen mediation, Tao, etc. This came close to familiar surroundings, I suppose because of my upbringing. However, I was drifting from one end of the spectrum to the other and deep within me I felt something was missing. But there was one more avenue that I hadn't tried: Orthodoxy. At first glance this was so very different and foreign; And the pictures were strange looking ! I felt intimidated; I didn't know what to do. "What am I doing here?" I asked myself. "It's a different realm and I don't belong here!" Truly I recognized elements that set it apart from the other groups. Amazingly, I sat back and watched. After awhile, I started going to Orthros. Then something snapped within me that turned my heart inside out. I fell in love upon hearing Psalms. I love the Psalms, it gives me comfort and bit by bit something inside of me wanted more of it. My soul was being feed and my spirit was lifted up slowly. I didn't realize what was happening to me, only that I needed to come back. Slowly my long ago questions were being answered. "Who is God?" "God is the Lord and has revealed Himself to us"; He is the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God came down and showed us the Way. Not only were my questions answered, but God gave me strength and comfort. Especially when both my younger sister and my father passed away. His Holy Church was there for me. God was and is and always will be with me. But what I needed was a little coaxing from Him. This is the beginning of my journey. |
